We have to control the controllables. And you cannot worry about the rest. You’ll go mad.
I remember a time a few years ago. I was getting out of my BMW at my mom’s house. She asked me something that surprised me.
“How are you so calm and happy all the time? With so much going on, how do you do it? How can I?” she questioned.
Keep in mind I was probably 35 at the time. And this was the first time my mother had really asked me for my advice.
“You don’t worry about things that you cannot control. You control the controllables, and then control your reaction to the rest. For example, I cannot control what other people do or say, or many of the things that happen around me. So I don’t focus on that noise.” I replied.
You could tell she’d never quite thought of it that way before.
Now, since then, I’ve developed some (a lot) of anxiety issues, that I am sure we’ll get into in the future. But one of the ways I deal with those times when my anxiety is taking over is to stop and ask, “Can I control what’s happening? Can I take rational steps to mitigate the situation?”
Usually, the answer is “no.” This allows me to step back and become an observer of my thoughts rather than beholden to them.
Right now though, my eyelids feel like they have weights attached to them. And my eyeballs are on fire.
But we’ve made it home. My bed will embrace me soon.
The trip was non-eventful. About two hours from Las Vegas to Austin, with a two-hour layover. And then another two and a half hours to Charlotte.
I cannot express enough how much my heart overflows with joy to have spent time with my family. And especially away from screens. The kids were as present as Wendy and I were.
I read way more than 5 pages of the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Committed on the way home.
So far, Mark Manson and seem to have a similar philosophy. He’s currently talking about the fact that you can only care about so much… and we’re choosing to care about the trivial stuff. The challenge seems to be deciding what you should and should not care about.
As I said when I started this entry, my personal heuristic is to care about the things I can control and to not care about the things I cannot. Control the controllables.
As I go on this one-percent-better journey, the line that resonates with me the most right now is this:
“Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the same thing.”
Manson, Mark. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (Mark Manson Collection) (p. 3). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
Now, I am already successful. So the journey for me isn’t about success per se (though, more success is always welcome). It’s about being better, across the board.
I tell my kids every day that perfection isn’t achievable. If we take that as a fact, then we realize that we can always be better. We can always improve.
And to do that, it seems that the premise Manson has is to get out of your own way. And the way to do that seems to be by caring about fewer unimportant things.
But I’m at the beginning of the book, not quite out of the first chapter.
This brings me to Committed. As I said, I’ll be going more in-depth on learnings here, but as it relates to all self-improvement, I’ll drop a note here.
As a brief detour, baseball is a lot like life. It’ll teach you how to deal with failure. How to overcome adversity. How to handle pressure. And how to be present in the moment.
I was lucky enough to play Division I baseball at Yale. In that environment, you get a unique set of pressures, failures, and successes. Most people there aren’t impressed that you can hit a baseball four hundred feet. They’re impressed that you can do differential calculus or compose a beautiful sonnet. Or they’re dissecting Plato and Hegel and Kant. Or some other higher calling than baseball.
But they don’t realize that baseball is life. I’ll talk more about my overall philosophy on both baseball and life as we progress.
In Committed, they hit on controlling the things you can control.
“The point is, we want to control our controllables. We want to make sure we’re getting 100 to 200 reps a day, getting in our strength training, doing our agility work, getting more explosive in our movements, and getting our swings in.”
Beede, Walter; Eisenberg, Bryan; Bostick, Colter ; Jackson, Keith. Committed : The Guide to Developing College Ready Recruits from Middle School Through High School (p. 38). Play Ball Kid Media. Kindle Edition.
Both of these books (thus far) are pushing me to return to that core philosophy. So, until they detour from that basic premise, I’ll add that to my one-percent-better list. Double down on not worrying about things I cannot control. And focus more on controlling the controllables.
As I wind down, I want to let you know what I am grateful for. As I unlocked the door on our spacious house on the lake, I am reminded of the blessings we have. We have a beautiful house in a beautiful location. I am grateful that our income and wealth have afforded us this opportunity.
I am grateful for my bed. After a week and a day in not my bed, my back is going to thank me.
And finally, I am grateful for the passion to write. I’ve wanted to do it for some time. This challenge is affording me the opportunity to do that. And (hopefully) will inspire you further.
Until tomorrow… and remember… “Control the controllables.” The rest will take care of itself.
